it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
