you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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