My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
