Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
