my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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