just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
