you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
