The maid of honor just puked.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
