You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
