Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
