don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
