The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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