were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
