I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
