I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize