billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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