she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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