Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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