The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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