I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
