I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
