Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
