the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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