The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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