i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
