Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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