So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
