i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
