how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
