I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have feelings that need drinking.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
