We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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