so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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