Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
