Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
