You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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