Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
