My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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