Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
