Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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