i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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