This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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