so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The power of my boobs compel you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
