My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
