Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
