My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
