I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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