I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just pee around me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
