I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Im part way to drunk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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