You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
