I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
